Can Bristol Palin be stopped?????

Hello, everybody.

Three years ago on this very blog, I finally had something to get off my chest when I took John Dean's famous quote from the Watergate hearings about a cancer growing on the presidency of Richard Nixon and substituted "Sanjaya Malakar" and "American Idol" for Nixon. Well, some weeks later, that cancer was finally removed.

But now in 2010, we have a brand new kind of cancer that's been spreading for some time on "Dancing With The Stars"...and that cancer, of course, is BRISTOL PALIN!!!!!! For weeks, you have all been wondering to yourselves, "When will Jonathan finally offer his own two cents on this???!!!", Well, the time has arrived.

For those of you just back from a long trip to the moon, Bristol is Sarah Palin's older daughter who has been on a reign of terror as of late. Thanks to her, a lot of names have been dropping like flies: Florence Henderson, Audrina Patridge, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Rick Fox, Michael Bolton, and Kurt Warner to name a few. Now she along with Kyle Massey and heavy favorites Brandy and Jennifer Grey are in the semi-finals, which has either delighted or angered millions of viewers tuning in to the hit ABC show.

So now we cue up the "Unsolved Mysteries" theme music and ask the question: Who is behind all this???? Well, it can be summed up in three simple words: Tea Party Movement! It helped the Republicans win back the House from the Democrats in the mid-term elections (leaving President Obama bloodied, but not physically), and it is already helping Bristol. Closer to home, Anchorage radio DJs Bob and Mark are leading the charge as well, though they have been kissing the Palins' asses for several years they need a lifetime supply of Chap Stick to keep their lips moist.

Okay, here comes the part you've been whetting your appetite for for so long:

Well, some show called "American Idol" has been ruling the TV ratings, even if portion of Season 5 was briefly called "The Sanjaya Malakar Show" before he got the boot. And after so many years, with Paula Abdul and later Simon Cowell out, we have finally had enough of the craze and wanted out.

Last season's "Dancing With The Stars" was headlined by the likes of Pamela Anderson, Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin, and Kate Gosselin. They finally beat "Idol" in the ratings thanks to that lineup; but in the end, "Idol" held on to become the #1 show for the sixth straight year, surpassing "All In The Family" and "The Cosby Show."

This season, it's all about expecting the unexpected. One side tells me America has had enough of Bristol and really wants her out, but there's another side that says something worth repeating again: "Dancing With The Stars" is doing anything it takes to be the one show that will finally end "American Idol's" long reign, and Bristol Palin may be one of their secret weapons. Of course she won't win (I'm pulling for either Brandy or Jennifer), but it'll sure help.

Let's face it, folks: ABC hasn't had a #1 show since "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" was red-hot. I think ten years is good enough. But then again, the Tea Party supporters rooting for Bristol Palin have already drunk way too much Kool-Aid. So long and stay strong.